this post is taken from another blogger by the name of Sarah Lauren Scott. Sarah is a feminist, a rape survivor, vegetarian and a wonderful mother. her blog can be accessed here http://www.sarahlaurenscott.co.uk/.
Nightclubs – culture that promotes, condones and accepts sexual violence
Increasingly I am encountering women who refuse to go to nightclubs because of fear of sexual harassment or assault.
Many nightclubs are promoted as highly sexualised environments but that’s not the only problem for many women, it’s the fact that these establishments condone unwanted sexual contact as ‘no big deal’ and put forward that women are in a perpetual state of consent when it comes to sexual contact.
A young man kept touching my ass, I politely asked him to stop.
Let’s look at that, why should I have to ask someone to stop touching me sexually? Shouldn’t he be asking me?
He didn’t stop and kept pursuing me. I got very annoyed and told him to leave me alone.
Clearly, again, demonstrated that I was not consenting to this sexual contact.
He then put his hand right up my skirt, touching my intimate area.
Said NO. He continued and then further touched me sexually. Clear sexual assault.
I, understandably was upset and disgusted so I immediately turned around and slapped him as everything else had not worked. He then punched me in the face. The staff DID NOT get involved even though they saw what was going on and were told. The only thing that caused him to leave me alone was a male friend assaulting him.
This is not uncommon. It has happened to me countless times (although I haven’t been punched more than once inside a nightclub, luckily). Every night young women are going to nightclubs to enjoy themselves only to be subjected to unwanted sexual contact. There is a culture of acceptance in nightclubs that women should ‘expect’ to be groped and touched by strangers and that anyone complaining is a prude. Staff rarely take women’s complaints seriously unless the men display severe violence. No member of staff did anything when I said that I did not want this man to touch me the first time, the second time and so on, even after he had physically and sexually assaulted me. I never once gave him any indication that I wanted this behaviour to continue but that didn’t matter. It’s like I said before -women are assumed to be in a perpetual state of consent, even when they say no.
Nightclubs continue to rely on sex to promote their nights - the names of the clubs and the nights, young women baring their bodies to sell liquor, pornified promotion and much more. The nightclubs imply that women there are ‘fair game’ to men. They put forward ideas that women are sexual objects who are there only for men.
The promotion of many nightclubs is becoming similar to lap dancing clubs. They advertise the venue as a place for men to look at half naked women who will give them alcohol (ya think bottle girls are half naked because it’s warm in there? Nah so they can be ogled at) and they promote the idea that men can go to the club to ‘choose’ a drunk woman to go home with (objectification and possessiveness) so the place ends up full of men with hard-ons who walk around groping women without consent.
‘Ladies free’ promotions only further put women in danger because they imply that we are objects used to get men to enter the club therefore they are entitled to us. It’s not done as a gift to all their female customers, it’s a cheap ploy to encourage more men to come inside and take their pick of the females. (Side note: feminism demands equality, which means men and women are equal. I don’t want special treatment. Also, is it even legal to allow women to enter for free and not men?)
Women who go out to nightclubs are told to watch their drinks in case they are spiked, told not to wear revealing clothing if they don’t want to be groped, told to stay with their friends in a group and many other methods to stay safe when the truth is these nightclubs could alter their model to make nightclubs safer for women. People do not tell men not to grope women and not to spike their drinks. I have seen posters warning women in nightclub bathrooms but where are the posters telling men to try not to sexually assault their fellow club-goers?
Do I need to say it again? WOMEN ARE NOT IN A PERPETUAL STATE OF CONSENT. UNLESS I SAY YES THE ANSWER IS NO. NO MEANS NO.
Women are constantly being sexually assaulted in nightclubs and not taken seriously by staff who are meant to ensure the safety of all customers. It’s dismissed as not serious, just a laugh or (my most hated word) banter. Because it’s not rape or not necessarily violent it’s being dismissed despite the fact it is against the law and straight up wrong.
Just because I am wearing a short skirt does not mean that I want you to touch me. Just because I am drunk does not mean I want you to touch me. Just because I am female and have a vagina does not mean I want you to touch me. I am here tonight to have fun with my friends, not to be casually sexually harassed by you. Just because I am dancing provocatively is not an invitation for you to feel me up. Don’t do it. Leave me alone.
I am not an object for your satisfaction. My breasts and ass are not public property. Just because I am female does not mean you have a right to harass me or touch me.
Women – if a man gropes you or talks to you in a derogatory, sexual manner then report it to staff. By just ignoring it and moving away he will go on to do it to more women – we need to tell them that it is WRONG. Most men don’t seem to even think it’s a bad thing (unless it’s their girlfriend/mother/sister). We need to stand up to the perpetrators and establishments and say we will not accept casual sexual assault in nightclubs. It’s like upon entering a nightclub we agree to give up our right to personal space.
Some people are probably reading this and thinking that it is not a big deal but it is. No woman should expect to be assaulted, ever. No woman should take getting her ass slapped as a compliment, that’s like saying raping a woman is a compliment. In the end it is actually a crime. If you were to go to a doctor’s office and grope a woman’s behind people would not be accepting at all but it’s as if women, who want to have a fun night out with their friends at a nightclub, are fair game. We all deserve to have a safe night out.
I’ve talked about sexual harassment and groping but that’s not all that happens at clubs. They are breeding grounds for sexual predators to hunt for prey – they will spike women’s drinks, some women have been dragged in to bathrooms only to be raped, some have been raped upon leaving the club etc… It’s a crime that escalates. It may start with a man groping a woman but often that’s not where it ends.
Nightclubs as they currently stand promote RAPE CULTURE.
Using female sexuality to sell alcohol -
It’s hard to go to a nightclub these days without seeing a woman wearing little more than a thong and bra selling shots of cheap spirits. It’s unethical and wrong to link alcohol and sex for a start and it’s degrading to all women.
Pornified, sexist promotion -
Similarly, the promotion of many club nights relies on sexual imagery that resembles an ad for sex services or a strip club rather than a nightclub. You will often see some half naked woman wearing a costume or sucking a lollypop on the fliers for nightclubs.
Nightclub etiquette for guys – hints to ensure you don’t commit a sex crime
- Don’t grab a woman’s ass or breasts unless she invites you to. I don’t care how nice her ass is, it’s not yours
- If a woman does not want to dance with you then accept that. Don’t force yourself upon her, it’s not going to make her change her mind
- Don’t spike women’s drinks. Pretty self explanatory
- Don’t subject female patrons to sexually explicit slurs
- If a woman rejects you don’t physically assault her
- Just because a woman is wearing a short skirt doesn’t mean she wants to have sex with you.
- Just because you buy a woman a drink does not mean you are entitled to her body.
- Grabbing a woman sexually without her consent is a crime, it’s not banter. Remember that.
- No woman wants a stranger’s boner to be pushed up against her back.
- If a woman is drunk then don’t take advantage of that by sexually assaulting her. Women who are incapacitated by drugs or alcohol are not able to consent. (see Sex Offences Act (Scotland) 2009)
- Interested in a girl? Try making conversation with her, say hello, ask her name. Try not to be a total pervert.
I have shared this post from Sarah’s blog as i agree 100% with every written word and wanted to share with my fellow followers and with anyone who has been a victim to this. I would also like to thank Sarah on how strong a woman she has become and fights for what she believes in – a truly wonderful person.